Current:Home > InvestRelationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life -消息
Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
View
Date:2025-04-17 21:27:17
Don't text back too soon, or you'll seem desperate. Don't wait too long to text, or they'll lose interest. And don't ever, ever send two text messages in a row.
There are a lot of rules people set for themselves when it comes to the early stages of dating, particularly in an era when dating apps have upended the norms of how most singles meet and mingle.
Many of these self-imposed regulations, however, can actually hinder your chances of finding a healthy romance, according to relationship experts.
"Relationships are contextual," says relationship therapist Kimberly Moffit. "You have to understand the context of your 'situationship' or relationship and use your instincts, as opposed to just always following rules."
Here are some common dating "don't's" that experts encourage daters to let go of:
'Don't text back too soon (or too late)'
Text anxiety has become a staple of online dating. "Am I writing too much? Too little? What if I respond too quickly, and they think I have no life?"
Yes, it's probably wise not to drop everything going on in your life to respond immediately. But you also don't have to feign being busy.
"In dating, someone's going to figure out who you are eventually," Moffit says. "If you're a naturally busy person and you have stuff going on, there's going to be times where you take a few hours to respond and then there's going to be other times where you're there and you get into more of a texting conversation."
Bottom line, she says: Respond when you have time and when it feels natural to do so.
Dating burnout is real:How to find love while protecting your mental health
'Don't date more than one person at a time'
How about: Don't put all your eggs in one basket instead. Celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray says there's no need to cut yourself off from other connections if you're still in the early stage of dating someone new, what she calls the courting process.
"It takes a while to get to know somebody, so if you're going to invest all your time in one relationship, and then it doesn't work out, then you're back to ground zero," she says. "It's OK to be hanging out with two or three people to see who is actually consistent, because after a while you'll really know somebody's true colors."
More:How to start a good conversation on a dating app. Online dating advice from relationship experts
'Don't compromise on (superficial) standards'
Moffit and Ray agree: Many daters are far too strict about the type of person they're willing to go out with, leading them to rule out great options over superficial standards like height, location, education level or occupation.
Moffit encourages people to stay open-mind about these things. After all, you could have great chemistry once you meet in person.
"It's a personal decision of course with dating, but I do feel like it just restricts people that if you met them in the wild, you might just really love them," she says, adding you learn more about your attraction to someone from sensory information, such as the way they talk and move, than from information on a dating profile.
More:Videos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other
'Don't bring up politics or religion (or anything interesting) on the first date'
Politics, religion and other controversial topics tend to be viewed as off-limits for early dates; however, they're important issues that can reveal someone's values and spark interesting discussion.
Moffit says it's OK to share views that are important to you early in dating, as they can deepen your connection and inspire conversation beyond the typical, 'So, what do you do?' banter.
"People do say things like, 'Avoid politics. Avoid business. Avoid religion. Avoid existential conversations,' " Moffit says. "The best first dates have a lot of deep conversations. How else are you going to get to know somebody and connect if you can't talk about the things that matter to you?"
Plus, if any of these issues do prove to be deal-breakers, isn't it better to be upfront about them sooner rather than later?
"You might have to turn off 80% of people in order to really appeal to the 20% who are the fit," Moffit says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (568)
Related
- Trump's 'stop
- Why The Real Housewives of New Jersey Won't Have a Traditional Reunion for Season 14
- Christopher Gregor, known as treadmill dad, found guilty in 6-year-old son's death
- How to watch Rangers vs. Panthers Game 6: Will Florida return to Stanley Cup Final?
- Skins Game to make return to Thanksgiving week with a modern look
- Retired Virginia police officer sentenced in deaths of wife and stepdaughter
- Boeing's Starliner ready for Saturday launch to space station, first flight with crew on board
- Alleged 'serial slingshot shooter' dies a day after bonding out of California jail
- What do we know about the mysterious drones reported flying over New Jersey?
- 100 years ago, US citizenship for Native Americans came without voting rights in swing states
Ranking
- Which apps offer encrypted messaging? How to switch and what to know after feds’ warning
- Caitlin Clark and Indiana Fever edge Angel Reese and Chicago Sky for first home win, 71-70
- The northern lights could appear over parts of US Friday night: Where to watch for auroras
- Texas Supreme Court rejects challenge brought by 20 women denied abortions, upholds ban
- Military service academies see drop in reported sexual assaults after alarming surge
- How Dance Moms’ Kelly Hyland Is Preserving Her Hair Amid Cancer Treatment
- Nicki Minaj cancels Amsterdam concert after reported drug arrest there last weekend
- With strawberries and goats, a ‘farmastery’ reaches out to its neighbors
Recommendation
What do we know about the mysterious drones reported flying over New Jersey?
Man accused of killing nursing student Laken Riley pleads not guilty in Georgia court
Biden allows limited Ukrainian strikes inside Russia using U.S.-provided weapons
Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes Prove They're the Ones to Beat at White House Celebration With Chiefs
Tree trimmer dead after getting caught in wood chipper at Florida town hall
2 killed, 3 injured when stolen SUV crashes during pursuit in Vermont
Women's College World Series 2024 live: Updates, score for UCLA vs. Oklahoma softball game
34 in police custody after pro-Palestinian protest at Brooklyn Museum, damage to artwork reported